At the risk of further indulging this blog's spryly irreverent irrelevance (I know that hurt), I regret to inform you that the King of Tonga, Taufa'ahau Tupou IV, died today in New Zealand.
Here is the wikipedia entry as well as some other site for those of you keenly interested.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taufa%27ahau_Tupou_IV http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=484284To be honest, I thought the joke would end somewhere around here. But it's actually kind of interesting. For one thing, the King died at age 88, which is kind of surprising for a guy who used to weigh more than 450 lbs. To me the weight and being a modern Pacific Islander suggests diabetes, which is what makes his age at death beyond my expectation.
Anyway...
Let me summarize, just for effect. There is a King of Tonga. An actual legitimate title. He was born on the fourth of July, on the last year of WWI, and died on the fifth anniversary of September 11. The consistency of at-best-tenuous coincidence here is astounding.
Wikipedia says that on official visits to Germany, the Germans had to build special chairs to support his weight. Quote, "The king used to take them home, considering them as state presents." Obviously the lack of context leaves open the suggestion that the Germans thought otherwise. But it's nice to think that only the King of Tonga could get away with receiving special accommodations, and then stealing them.
What surprised me the most was that the King of Tonga had a Court Jester. Even if Jesse Bogdonoff's appointment as Court Jester was mostly a gimmick to attract tourism, and even though he went on to swindle the Tongan nation of millions of dollars, FROM 1999 to 2001, THERE WAS A COURT JESTER ON THIS PLANET SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC!
Three whole years I was deprived of this knowledge that would have made my life marginally happier. Woe is my ignorance.
Apparently the British Monarchy got wind of the idea and appointed their own Jester in 2004. A little too late to the party though. King Taufa'ahau gets all the credit in my book. He is now the historical character that I would most like to meet. I mean, how awesome would it be to, for instance, eat with an overweight island King? I'd bet that dude had an appetite. For some reason I am imagining him downing an entire turkey, all the while keeping a completely expressionless face. As would befit royalty.
Long live the King.